"We became known to each other as "Landlings." As we discussed Dougie, current events, social trends and even personal issues, we bonded in ways that seemed incredible to me. We waited (with chuckles) for the world to end with the dawning of 2000 in one friend's home country of NZ, and the world turned every mountain range toward the sun with all of our computers still working.
We visited each other from across states and oceans. I was able to give some support to a friend from the south when her sister was involved in a serious accident and taken to a hospital not too far from my home. We had the meet-ups at Dougie concerts, shared secrets and much, much laughter. We had Friday on-line parties, where all who could stopped in for some craic. In many ways I became closer to those people than some of the people I dealt with on a day-to-day basis.
We moved from Dougie's forum to other set-ups as it became expensive and time-consuming for our host to maintain "The Land." Though most of the settings were too hard to stick with, I have remained in contact with a group of them to this day.
Which brings me to comment on the new world of on-line friendships. I can't speak about all current trends. The only vehicle I have signed on to has been FaceBook, largely to stay in touch with young family members scattered across the globe. I am now very seriously considering leaving it.
First of all, instead of a forum for friendships to continue, FB is a consumer-trending pollster for all the world's sellers. Every "like" is tracked; every conversation is mined for target words. Do I feel paranoid? Yes. Every application I use on my computer these days has the motto, "We are concerned for your privacy" on their home page. They just don't tell you how much they are concerned about breaking into your likes and dislikes so they can sell you "better" politicians, news geared to your brand of thinking, advertise products to you that have been gauged to be your particular tastes. How very kind of them to do your thinking for you. If that's what you want.
I do know almost every person on my friend-list, but I know people that have friended hundreds of people on the basis of a moment's acquaintance. I don't know about you, but I don't consider someone I've just met a friend, unless we've had a chance to really bond over something.
This is all suggesting to me what so many have been aware of for a long time. Our relationships are superficial today. I know that one friend ate a banana for breakfast, but I don't know that she is aching over a strained relationship with her husband. I can tell this young person is beating the latest computer game, but not that he is unemployed and scared to death. I can see the latest catch-phrase poster that had momentary meaning to someone, but not that they have been studying and learning or have deepened spiritually...or that they are this close to having a nervous breakdown. People spit their opinions at me, but whenever I am drawn out to make a reply, I regret it. A status can't reveal to you my whole state of mind, nor is it meant to.
An e-mail can. Better yet, a nice long letter can. Or a phone call. But I am busy! You are busy! And then I spend so much time looking for clues from friends and family on FB in my spare moments, that I no longer have time to write that letter. I look for the superficial reassurance that we are all still alive.
Maybe it's time to say goodbye to the friendships that really aren't worth a nice, long chatty letter or phone call. I may miss the updates, but if I begin to work at it, I might regain a depth that I have been missing since I became a FB friend. After all, what is a momentary fact worth, if I cannot put a context to it?
